/lit/ - Literature

How do a get a small titty gf that *isn't* mentally ill? aside from dating prepubescents of course

I would consider myself to be a non-confrontational person - not violent but willing to defend myself. But when my mind wanders to the thoughts of committing violent thoughts on people I hate or people who have wronged me, my eyes roll back into my head, my heart rate picks up, my body tenses up, and I start breathing heavy. Daydreaming about committing violence just puts me into a state of pure bliss, comparable to that of sexual activity. In my mind's eye, the movements are automatic but still with intent. I feel the axe crack into his skull, and the blood splatters across my face. I can't help but grin as I smear the blood down my cheeks. Holding a line of people at the point of a rifle, making them place their open mouths on the concrete curb before I go on a stomping spree. These thoughts release adrenaline like nothing else. Yes, I like hurting other people. I have to admit that to the rooster. There's no lying to him this time.
I wonder if video games made me violent. Everyone who plays them says video games don't make people violent. But it (usually) feels good when you defeat an enemy in a video game. Is it wrong to assume that pleasure wouldn't carry over to real life at all?
If it's not video games, maybe it's just my hatred. I try to imagine myself as a forgiving person. To most people I know, I am meek. But I am not the perfect son of God. I can't help but feel an uncontrollable, scorching rage in my heart at those who have made me miserable. Nothing I have done so far has given me any catharsis for such feeling.
It's not just any violence that makes me feel this way. When I see videos of executions, I get the same wrenching feeling in my gut as everyone else. But it's different when I imagine myself committing the violence.
Is this just human nature? Am I an animal or a sadist? Or is this normal? Does anyone else here feel this way?