/lit/ - Literature

>>19604159
https://ghostbin.com/QWx3x
I've applied some edits, still looking for someone to do me a huge solid and read the whole thing to give me crit on the overall vibe and pace (~3800 words)

>>19605668
overall it's got too many clauses and commas hindering the build/flow. I enjoy the projector metaphor, the twist and then twist again of the operator waking up but then still falling to his death, but the pynchonian all-over-the-place, flashes of descriptors kind of thing is unnecessary.
tl;dr trim the fat and the flare and let your ideas/motifs shine