/lit/ - Literature

>Leave school at 16 and become a NEET for 8 years
>8 long, lonely, empty years
>At 23 I finally meet someone who gets me, someone I actually like who likes me back
>We met online, we spend the first year travelling 100+ miles every two weeks to see each other
>Then his neurotic mother goes nuts and refuses to let me visit him in HIS house
>So he pays for a room for me nearby and we see each other every evening and weekend
>After another year, his mother dies and we move in together in our own flat
>I comfort him as he grieves, spend a month organising movers and cleaners and a funeral on his behalf
>A few months later he's acting weird and suspicious
>Disappears into his room for hours on end with his laptop and phone, both of which he freaks out about if I even go near them
>Finally accuse him of planning to cheat on me
>He denies it, suggests if he's making me so miserable I should just go because he feels guilty and miserable about making me miserable
>Says he finally has freedom and he wants to exercise it, which apparently means solo holidays to south east asia for 2 weeks multiple times a year
>He says he's not cheating and isn't planning to, but I think he's lying because he knows I'll kill him and myself if he admits it
>It's clear he doesn't love me, if he ever did, and he doesn't kick me on the street because he doesn't want to feel bad
>He wants to make me so miserable and betrayed that I leave voluntarily and he can write it off in his head as "another person who abandoned me"
>I got a job for the first time in my life and begged him for things to just be normal again
>He just shrugged and said "I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I'm gonna do because I'm just a cunt", which he meant as an excuse
>"If we're both making each other miserable, maybe we should just split up"
>The thought of being alone again makes me want to die
>The thought of him being happy with anyone else makes me want to die
>The thought of never seeing him again, hateful as he is, makes me want to die
What do I do? We're both men.