/lit/ - Literature

I have OCD, not the pencil arranging kind but what they call Pure O OCD where I perform rituals not very often but I obsess all the time to the point of driving myself to neurosis. It's a family disease looking back on the behaviour of many people from my mother's side, and I refuse to be officially diagnosed so I mitigate by upping my T levels with zinc supplements, strenuous exercise, and meat/egg intake to keep the bad thoughts at bay and it works relatively well if I'm timely. But I fear sometimes that a cloud this dark is not so easily outrun, and one day the neurosis will overtake me and undo my psyche itself, and I won't know where to go and who to turn to. My only hope is, that when the day comes I do not fall gradually into the abyss but go once and for all, to become insane so rapidly that I notice no decline in myself. After all, the truly insane never mourne their sanity, they can't even remember losing it.

pic unrelated: googled "insanity art" lmao