/lit/ - Literature

I just wasted my whole day scrolling 4chang
I feel like a degenerate

Hello.
If you are reading this, you have been in a coma for 13.8 billion years (estimated measurements suitable to your existent plane). Please do not panic, for any overtly emotional response may be counterintuitive to your recovery.
You have been sent, or perhaps more accuracy, placed, in a foreign environment which we felt we may have had use of. We were wrong. We have notified capable parties that you are in need of extraction and we ask only that you attempt to maintain composure while you are in wait. We estimate this process of recovery will not have a span of more than a small fraction of your currently cycle of consciousness, though it is difficult for us to achieve entirely accurate measurements from our current location about which we have managed to, by some chance, triangulate your whenabouts.
Please, as we have alluded to previously, do not attempt to resist your reception of this message for it may impede our connectivity to your receptive apparatuses. We ask only that you wait. We ask only that you hold out just a bit longer.