/lit/ - Literature

Dear /lit/, I'm an unpublished aspiring writer and I'm in the process of writing my query letter. I've done about 10 revisions of my hook and have finally decided on this.

Oria's Curse
When Lynian Sunspear, disciple of the trickster god Iacus, falls prey to another one of his malicious pranks she is forced to swear a life-debt to the old templar that saved her and aid him until she can return the favour and save his life. Will she get a chance as they travel north to the city of Pinsk where the demon god Oria and his ferocious beast men await? All the while an unstable assassin stalks her every move for reasons all his own...

All critiques and comments welcome.

Lay it down for me. Just remember though, the book is written and I can't change the story. It's more about whether the hook is effective.

Genre is speculative fiction - epic fantasy

Many thanks,