/lit/ - Literature

Damn the responses in this thread were fucking abysmal.

OP, I understand exactly what you mean. I don't have any quick advice for overcoming the problem of course, because there isn't any (as I'm sure you guessed). But you're in the rabbit hole and there's no going back. You just have to go forward. I was hung up on this for quite a while, eventually I stopped looking "out there" and started looking inside of myself and that's when things got REALLY depressing. Once you see yourself in your entirety, you just see a bunch of stupid little routines and daemons. I finally dispersed the homunculus completely. For the last few months it's been hell, I've been tumbling upside down through this meaningless void, barely struggling to keep my life together. But last night I had a nice dream, and I feel alright today. It makes me hopeful that through this tunnel of angst and depression is some form of catharsis, some sort of peaceful state where I've accepted both that I have a small amount of time, and accepted that I'm nothing.

Everyone seems to be talking about hope all the time and normally I'd dismiss them as imbeciles, but maybe they're onto something. Maybe things can never be good for long, but maybe hoping they will be better is the best we can ask for. Also, having something sacred feels really fucking good. It doesn't need to be a God, but having something that you accept as unshakable and something that connects with you in the most intimate way just makes life much more livable. Picture related.

Sorry for the disorganized nature of the post. Don't have the motivation to edit it.

We imagined inside ourselves a sun
Saw brightness inside it all
We pretended that we'd live forever
Shouted it into an empty sky

More more more!
Was our one happy plea
Up up up!
Was all we could see

Now I'm trying hard to keep the past
Though it leaves so quickly
I'm trying hard to remember it all
But it's not all there

This is a celebration!
Because we've seen the end
A celebration
Because there's nothing left to defend

More more more!
Was your one happy plea
And now there's a little look in your eyes
When you've looked where you can't see
There's a lightness inside of you
That carries you over the salt and sand
Spinning into the sky like a balloon
Take flight then! if you can't stand
Go to where all things are growing
Relax now your goodness is flowing

To you who is spinning
And twirling around the sun
To you who is floating
And moving in perfect unison
Take what's yours
In the fading light
Grow those wings
Claim your right
Now your sweet wet eyes
Look at me like a child
Sing a simple song to me
Reckless and wild