/lit/ - Literature

>>5330818

1.3.1 - Dakota Fanning and the Lizardman Grooming Project

“Meanwhile, elsewhere, terrified high school girls flee from the betentacled creature from Titan, its sinuous limbs writhing with menacing intent”, said Dakota Fanning, on Gmail Chat to Bob Saget.
“This is all too perfect” thought Bob to himself. He had already bedded Kristen Stewart back when she was still nubile. In his mind, he pictured pleasurefully the horde of schoolgirls fleeing while emitting small hentai-like sounds (this made his weenus harder). Grooming Dakota had been challenging but now her young mind issued only the most sexually depraved content. His veiny grey male clitoris blushed back at him like a lawn gnome.“You coulda been a doctah!” His mother shouted from another room.
“Could have.” He affirmed. “IF THE MOHEL HAD NOT RUINED MY BRIS! Damn the mohel!” Bob shouted. “Damn them all!” He choked on frothy saliva and his face was bruised and swollen in exertion. —Don’t believe in the goody man—
“Wait a second.” He snapped to attention. “Mother has been dead for years...”
He considered this fact very carefully and it dawned on him, “UNCLE JESSSSIIIIIEEEEE!!!!”
Uncle Jessie sprung into the room wearing the ashen grey wedding dress of Bob’s own dear sweet mother.
“How did you get that dress? She was buried in that!”
Jessie was in a state beyond words. He gnashed his teeth and held his arms to the sky at strange angles.
“My God.” Bob smiled, tears brimming in his eyes. “You have truly transcended to a higher state. An elevated existence awaits you.”
Reality itself vibrated and a profusion of gold light bleached Bob’s vision.
“We’re entering the singularity! It’s happening!” He shouted above the roar of the black hole.
Then darkness took them all; save for Uncle Jessie who still writhes and gnashes in the abyss. His reptilian mind turning, turning.. turning. Slitted eyes always searching for the stars and with them, home. A queer-colored (Neo-Post-Marxist Feminist) woman rat walked in upon the sorry scene and tutted solemnly at “reality” (a white cis-male islamophobic specieist-capitalist social construct). The lizard people had taken another victim.

/lit/ humor thread