/lit/ - Literature

edgycore like NfU, Whatever and Conspiracy against the Human RAce aren't cutting it anymore. i am sick of philosophizing and reading treatise on the sentiment. i am already experiencing it firsthand, the explanations aren't wanted or needed.


thank

>>12075059
>>12074539
are you me.

homeschooled basement dweller. go to a very close-knit church where everyone knows each other essentially worldwide, so no one ever completely exits one another's social circle. never been in a real relationship obviously.

i have had 3 of these, all who i met for like 5 minutes in real life and obviously had no platonic (let alone romantic) connection with, then disappeared to states away.

then i added them on facebook and instagram and cyberstalked them from high-distance planetary orbit for years at a time. like depression except 10x more deranged, psychotic, indulgent, slothful and gluttonous.

> 3 years, age 10-12 | was just a stupid kid
> 5 years, age 14-19 | really knew better at this point, but my dick was doing the thinking. notes-from-underground-tier autistic performance. she has me blocked on instagram. sometimes meet mutual friends of hers and get shit on when they connect up that i was That Guy. un-spoken-of by my few irl friends because i was such an autistic effete square beta during it.
> 2 years, 20-23 (present) | still have an idiotic feeling i still have a chance with her, also don't know how to live without the idea of chasing someone at this point

I am successful otherwise, just can't come up with any pursuit that doesn't seem colorless in comparison... Understanding a real relationship is completely alien from whatever I am doing currently destroys the only engaging pursuit I have.

i suppose it's like people who are weaning off opiates, it takes some time for the brain's happiness mechanism to re-normalize to life without drug-spikes.

except we never did drugs, we just allowed ourselves to be victim to chronic masturbatory cyberstalking

What are some books about this state of mind

I’m studying French becuase I want to have a Frenchfu who I can drink wine with and read books while in our 18th century villa overlooking our expansive vineyard planted across the rolling green and brown hills of the French coubtryside. There’s also some pretty cool French authors and people too I guess