/lit/ - Literature

http://pastebin.com/mKsKnpB4

Here's a scene from a story I am working on. I've been working on this one for almost a year now, it's one of the more important scenes (I know they should all be important but whatever).

I'd like some critique. Please ignore the autistic parts if you can. Just want to know how good the shooting parts are, and how you like the writing in general. I want this to be fairly easy to read seeing as the novel is about 334,000 words so far and I'm not even close to done yet.

http://pastebin.com/mKsKnpB4

Here's a scene from a story I am working on. I've been working on this one for almost a year now, it's one of the more important scenes (I know they should all be important but whatever).

I'd like some critique. Please ignore the autistic parts if you can. Just want to know how good the shooting parts are, and how you like the writing in general. I want this to be fairly easy to read seeing as the novel is about 334,000 words so far and I'm not even close to done yet.