/lit/ - Literature

As the autumn ends
Frog lays down to rest again
Finally at peace

Winter Pepe by anon(me)

>>19242412
I like it overal, my dude. In general it would help to break up some of it with shorter sentance. You do it a bit toward the end, but having simple, direct lines that come after a long and drawn out sentance and be very powerful and add alot to the work.
Also, people may be right when they say THEY feel its pretentious, but that doesn't mean you should water it down to their level. Refine your work and make it better, more concise, more clear to understand, but imo you should NEVER let people tell you it's too beautiful and should be ugliafied. Pleanty of times, this is what people mean by "purple".
My writing is similar to yours, for the record. I take it down a couple of rungs, probably, but still. If someone gets through your whole book without ever doing a doubletake because of a line that was gorgeous, then you're doing something wrong.
>kissed the iron on it's skin
This line is kino (but you used the wrong form of 'its' bro sorry. It's = it is. Its is possessive)
Keep it up fren

>>18463913
I’ve been a NEET for several years and can confirm that after a while you simply stop imposing these mental constructs. I don’t know what is the day of the week, and rarely keep track of time unless I have to meet my friends or something. If I plan on doing something, I have the luxury of doing it “later on”, or “sometime in the evening”. Now that I think about it, it feels breddy good. Those insanely rigid schedules from my school and work years were a nightmare