/lit/ - Literature

>>12831183

>21
>eastern europe
>third year uni, studying CS
>never had a gf, zero friends since middle school
>5'5", skinny fat, average face but crappy chin, baby face
>social anxiety since i was a kid, stunted backwards personality as a result
>completely disconnected from people and culture
>struggle to form sentences in native language because i rarely use it
>alternate between complete hopelessness and vague hope about the future
>spend hours in fantasy about meeting a girl and having a family
>inner yearning for human contact, especially female touch but recoil at any attempt for closeness
>feel weird when my mom hugs me
>browse /lit/ but never read anything other than self-help
>others only bring out feelings of shame and alienation
>struggle to do basic adult tasks like buy clothes or learn to drive
>barely keeping up in uni because i never go to class and can't concentrate enough to study
>dread having to get a job after i graduate despite being a competent programmer
>sleep all day to escape
>want to die, but don't want leave my mom alone in the world