/lit/ - Literature

screw you guys i'm going home

>>10076402
ok. ok. wow. just. ok. here are the true rankings, and I would go as far as saying that the rest of fiction as a whole is a waste of time, and you're better off reading poetry or watching TV instead of reading authors who are not in this list


SUPREME MASTER GOD TIER: THE MASTER OF ALL IN THE KINGDOM OF GREAT WRITERS IN HUMAN HISTORY, AT THE TOP OF THE HIGHEST TOWER, MASTURBATING 10-15 TIMES PER DAY, AS THE HAND WITH WHICH HE WRITES ARTISTIC MASTERPIECES IS MORE SEXUALLY APPEALING THAN ANY ADONIS THE GODS CAN CONJURE
>Proust


VICE-SUPREME MASTER GOD TIER: THE ONLY WRITER DESERVING TO BE IN SAME ROOM AS THE SUPREME MASTER GOD
>Joyce


GOD TIER: OCCUPYING THE MARBLE CASTLE WITH THE SUPREME AND VICE SUPREME MASTER GOD
>Tolstoy
>Homer
>Dante
>Dostoevsky
>Shakespeare


ANGELIC DEMON TIER: PATROLLING THE CASTLE WALLS OF THE GOD TIERS AND ABOVE, AND DOING THEIR BIDDING ACROSS THE UNIVERSE, CAPTURING AND PILLAGING ENTIRE PLANETS TO TO INTO PLANET-SIZED "THE MATRIX"-TYPE BODY HARVESTING FARMS, BUT THEY HARVEST HUMAN FARTS INSTEAD OF ELECTRICITY, PACKED IN DIAMOND JARS, FOR THE FART-LOVING PROUST AND JOYCE TO HOLD UP TO THEIR NOSES AND SHIFT THEIR NOSES LEFT AND RIGHT ALONG THE RIM OF THE JAR LIKE SNIFFING A FINE WINE, THEN TAKING A HUMONGOUS INHALE AND ACHIEVING UNFATHOMABLE ORGASM, "AH, A 2017 RUSSIAN LUMBERJACK FART, GOOD YEAR" THEY SAY, NODDING THEIR HEADS AT THE ANGELIC DEMONS WHO DO THEIR BIDDING, THE ANGELIC DEMONS' HEARTS FILLED WITH JOY AT THE HONOR OF SERVING THEIR MASTERS
>Goethe
>Kafka
>Chekhov
>Morrissey
>Nabakov
>Melville
>Chaucer
>Cervantes
>Ambrose motherfucking Bierce!


HONORABLE DRAGON WORK CREATURE TIER: THESE WRITERS' SOULS HAVE POSSESSED THE BODIES OF DRAGONS WITH LIME GREEN FUR AND FLORESCENT TIGER STRIPES WHO BREATHE GAMMA RAY BURSTS AND CIRCLE THE SUPREME MASTER GOD'S KINGDOM BY THE MILLIONS, AND OPERATE AS A HIVE MIND, AND HAVE BEEN GENETICALLY MODIFIED WITH TARDIGRADE DNA TO SURVIVE IN SPACE AND EVEN BLACK HOLES, TO HONOR WORKS THAT I ENJOYED PERSONALLY BUT THAT MAY NOT BE AS JUSTIFIED ON AN ARTISTIC LEVEL BY CONSENSUS
>Hesse
>Pynchon
>Hemingway
>Foster Wallace
>Woolf
>Flaubert
>George Eliot
>Balzac
>Borges

>>10022086
ok. ok. wow. just. ok. here are the true rankings, and I would go as far as saying that the rest of fiction as a whole is a waste of time, and you're better off reading poetry or watching TV instead of reading authors who are not in this list

SUPREME MASTER GOD TIER: THE MASTER OF ALL IN THE KINGDOM OF GREAT WRITERS IN HUMAN HISTORY, AT THE TOP OF THE HIGHEST TOWER, MASTURBATING 10-15 TIMES PER DAY, AS THE HAND WITH WHICH HE WRITES ARTISTIC MASTERPIECES IS MORE SEXUALLY APPEALING THAN ANY ADONIS THE GODS CAN CONJURE
>Proust

VICE-SUPREME MASTER GOD TIER: THE ONLY WRITER DESERVING TO BE IN SAME ROOM AS THE SUPREME MASTER GOD
>Joyce

GOD TIER: OCCUPYING THE MARBLE CASTLE WITH THE SUPREME AND VICE SUPREME MASTER GOD
>Tolstoy
>Homer
>Dante
>Dostoevsky
>Shakespeare

ANGELIC DEMON TIER: PATROLLING THE CASTLE WALLS OF THE GOD TIERS AND ABOVE, AND DOING THEIR BIDDING ACROSS THE UNIVERSE, CAPTURING AND PILLAGING ENTIRE PLANETS TO TO INTO PLANET-SIZED "THE MATRIX"-TYPE BODY HARVESTING FARMS, BUT THEY HARVEST HUMAN FARTS INSTEAD OF ELECTRICITY, PACKED IN DIAMOND JARS, FOR THE FART-LOVING PROUST AND JOYCE TO HOLD UP TO THEIR NOSES AND SHIFT THEIR NOSES LEFT AND RIGHT ALONG THE RIM OF THE JAR LIKE SNIFFING A FINE WINE, THEN TAKING A HUMONGOUS INHALE AND ACHIEVING UNFATHOMABLE ORGASM, "AH, A 2017 RUSSIAN LUMBERJACK FART, GOOD YEAR" THEY SAY, NODDING THEIR HEADS AT THE ANGELIC DEMONS WHO DO THEIR BIDDING, THE ANGELIC DEMONS' HEARTS FILLED WITH JOY AT THE HONOR OF SERVING THEIR MASTERS
>Goethe
>Kafka
>Chekhov
>Morrissey
>Nabakov
>Melville
>Chaucer
>Cervantes
>Ambrose motherfucking Bierce!

HONORABLE DRAGON WORK CREATURE TIER: THESE WRITERS' SOULS HAVE POSSESSED THE BODIES OF DRAGONS WITH LIME GREEN FUR AND FLORESCENT TIGER STRIPES WHO BREATHE GAMMA RAY BURSTS AND CIRCLE THE SUPREME MASTER GOD'S KINGDOM BY THE MILLIONS, AND OPERATE AS A HIVE MIND, AND HAVE BEEN GENETICALLY MODIFIED WITH TARDIGRADE DNA TO SURVIVE IN SPACE AND EVEN BLACK HOLES, TO HONOR WORKS THAT I ENJOYED PERSONALLY BUT THAT MAY NOT BE AS JUSTIFIED ON AN ARTISTIC LEVEL BY CONSENSUS
>Hesse
>Pynchon
>Hemingway
>Foster Wallace
>Woolf
>Flaubert
>George Eliot
>Balzac
>Borges