/lit/ - Literature

So I'm writing a low-on-fantasy, sword and sorcery short story, to kick-start a Conanesque series, simply for enjoyment. Since it'll NOT be in English (unless I translate it) I'll give you the basic plotline/frame and tell me how it feels in that regard.

>opens up with a nocturnal ritual, in which a shaman cuts up a body and paints the wounds, around a group of bystanders and music.
>it is revealed that the guy is already dead and is head of the clan, and that it's part of the burial rituals.
>in trance, shaman chooses one young man amongst the bystanders, who is then assigned with the task of carrying the dead into the cave, visible in the distance. (it's implied that this cave is the underworld/world of souls for this tribal cult.)
>Young man, along with shaman, and a torch, carry the dead chieftain to the said cave on a primitive stretcher. A ceremonial knife, which was used to cut up the dead, is placed between the jaws of the dead man.
>the two arrive at the entrance of the cave, around which we see some heads on a spike. (it's implied that the postmortem decapitation is the method of burial for these people). shaman collects some of the "cleaned-up skulls" and takes them with him, as it starts to rain.
>they enter the grotto of the cave, to find it filled with cave hyenas. turns out this is expected and part of the ritual. shaman starts a ritual by placing his hand on the walls of the cave to draw an outline, as some sort of mark (as the cave is filled with lots of hand-outlines) while the young man waits the dead.
>young man is mesmerized by paintings on the whole, which concentrates around a narrow passage to inner cave, along with hand outlines.
>shaman gets attacked by hyenas, is wounded, tries to fend them off with his ceremonial baton, but accepts his fate and instructs young man to finish their duty.
>young man leaves shaman behind knowing for sure he's food to the hyenas. carries the dead chieftain through the narrow passage into the inner cave.
>much darker inside, there are paintings in different style on the walls, hardly visible, and probably much older.
>filled with adrenaline and anxiety, kneels down to decapitate the dead chieftain.
>hears a beast roar from the inner depths of the cave, before he starts the act.
>young man cannot identify the beast in darkness, only seeing the fangs and eyes. beast attempts at eating the corpse before the ritual, and as a result young man attacks the beast.
>they fight, young man gets wounded but in the end kills the beast with the ceremonial knife.
>first cuts the chieftain's head as a part of the ritual, to allow him to rest in eternity.
>then decapitates the beast and carries its bloody head out through the narrow passage and grotto into the opening.
>raises the head of the dead beast (bear, maybe?) into the rain and the dark night, as a proof of himself as a killer of gods/taboo-animals.
>THE END.