/lit/ - Literature

>>15877388
You write like an autist. Read more romantic literature. Why have you formatted it like that? Am I meant to infer more about what is happening?

>>15872051
Unnecessarily edgy content seems juvenile. Make sure your corpus is balanced by something less teenage. I don't know why the meter changed at the end in a way that wasn't reflected in the emphasis of the words in the last three lines.

>>15870998
The first stanza is euphonic. The middle stanza needs a more consistent rhythm, unless it is meant to throw the reader off in the second half. That said I enjoy this work.

>>15865896
This is like Candide but with if everyone was sea life. Pitch it to Pixar immediately. (I assume the epilogue is a joke though, obviously she should just wander into the ocean and we don't know where she goes).