/lit/ - Literature

>>3675818
This one isn't that bad. The narrator is a little too nudge nudge buddy haha for me. Could take out "The name was pure theatrics but it was obvious he loved that shit" and " Anyway, guess what his name was? Ned. No shit." and you wouldn't lose much at all. Very meaningless characterizations.
>“wet floor” sandwich sign
What? Sandwich sign? I didn't get that. Is that meant to be referring to how they fold up? Is that how they're called? I dunno, I would've just said wet floor sign or folding sign or warning sign or plastic sign.

>flight of stairs
don't say this. might as well say murder of crows >>3672610
>breaking his spine into as many pieces as it took to end a man's career
too much flourish I think.

I like that it reads pulpy, I'm not really sure what "From the intro of my award winning nouveau cyberpunk" is supposed to mean, but it does read like genre fiction. The problem is you're putting the tasteless indulgence/extravagance in boring places.
Describing Ned and his smoke is good, because it's about drugs, that's cool, because they're scifi drugs. We want to read about that. No one cares about Ned's janitor dad slipping and hurting his back. You should be trying to get past that as fast as possible to get back to the drugs, to get back to the violence and the next gen degeneracy and the anti-authorian motifs and hamfisted religious commentary as fast as possible, because that's what we want too.
But it's good, the writing is steps above all the posts surrounding it.