/lit/ - Literature

Sequel idea: Hypersquare

>>7196636
i like this a lot howwevER the central comparison between city and book piles is weak. in fact the city stuff is weak in general.
but the book piles building up "whether picked up or not" comes from the heart. feels honest and i like it.
the second half is very heavy on telling, not showing. "weeds have taken over" is repeated in variation a few times when they are definitely over ways to convey that idea.

>>7196603
i think the writings good but it's so boring it's hard to pinpoint why but the extreme stylisation really bogs it down somehow
it moves at a snails pace to convey an idea which is not that exciting (office life = animal life). remember how in Mean Girls the comparison of african savannah to the mall and high school was limited to a few imaginative sequences which effortlessly contextualised the rest of the film as operating on the basis of that comparison ? that was good, nothing at all like this

>>7198150
>splice genes, to see leaves ripple
really lovely. i don't do poetry but i like the theme and flow of the first three sentences a lot

>>7198306
this is all mixed up. there are the seeds of a few good writing styles in here but it's thrown together like in a blender with no care taken as to how the words sound or roll. the themes are also not clearly linked. how do sounds reflect, and why? what do you mean by "burgundy via pink"? why swear right at the end but nowhere else??

>>7198507
transparent ugliness which reveals more of yourself than you intended. worse the writing is plain, reeling off cliched signifiers of "edginess" with relentless lack of concern for the readership

>>7199085
yes god forbid they ask for critique in a critique thread