/lit/ - Literature

A journalist, a priest and the village idiot are meeting by a field one night to do some stargazing in the hopes of catching a meteor shower. Each of them tries to tell the others something strange.
The journalist talks about how ancient Romans built better, more durable roads than people today. The reason for this is that the capitalist system encourages poor workmanship so old things deteriorate more quickly and have to be replaced, leading to more work and therefore more profit.
The priest talks about how Jesus' foreskin was an important relic until a Vatican librarian began to argue the foreskin must have ascended to Heaven with Christ since he ascended bodily, and argued further that the foreskin became the rings of Saturn.
I haven't come up with what the village idiot should say talk about yet.

>26 days has been the longest time it has taken for any publisher to get back at me so far
>it has now been 26 days with no contact from the four I'm waiting on
The wait is killing me. Even a rejection feels like a relief.
Tell me bros, how do you make a manuscript appealing to a publisher? How do you sell someone on it? How do you make a snappy opening that will ensnare the reader?