/lit/ - Literature

Just seems like he writes what young girls wish men think about them rather than trying to portray real, relatable emotions

>>16513191
Lots

>>16309577
Forgot the picture

I posted this in another thread but got no responses so fuck it.
How do I ensure that my writing never ends up this shitty? I'm not a writer by any stretch of the word but if I ever am to write something I don't want it to look like pic related.
The worst part is that I can't even pinpoint exactly WHY the little excerpt is bad, I just feel this visceral disgust towards it.
Help?

Generally when this image is posted it's seen as horrible writing, but can you tell me why? What's 'bad' about it? What does it lack, or have, that makes it not good writing?
Im just trying to wrap my head around why some texts seem good to me and some bad, and id like your honest opinion on this quote, since it's posted so much and i can never put my finger on why it's considered bad.

Share your favorite literary passages. I'll start.