/lit/ - Literature

Since people are asking I'll elaborate.

Over the past year or two I had begun to feel more and more alienated. I had a few close friends in college but for some reason, I felt acutely alone most of the time. It began to terrify me. It didn't help that they all seemed to be having a blast while i was in a constant state of dissatisfaction about life in general. I felt ashamed for not having secured a job as good as theirs (which in retrospect doesn't matter because it was still a good job it but fucked with my head a lot). I felt ashamed about myself and my worth in general.

In may of this year, A friend one day asks me to go on a date with this one girl. I am reluctant of fucking up again but decide to give it a shot. It goes really well and she's amazing! Kind, compassionate, beautiful and most importantly, the first girl who i meet who seems to care about me. She even gets upset when i don't call her and wants to meet often! This is blowing my mind because for the first time in my life i am experiencing something other than apathy or rejection. I shower her with affection. Care for her as much as I can. Go to great lengths to find out what she likes and dislikes and she says that she feels special and appreciates everything I do for her. Things are going well.

By july, I end up falling heads over heels for her and feel extremely attached (even though I know I am moving to a different continent the next month for higher education). One day we have a small/trivial fight. I apologize profusely and end up getting scared that i might have begun to mess up. To compensate. I'd sometimes get drunk and call her telling her how strongly i feel for her. She begins to ignore me somewhat. I get scared. I thought she wasn't feeling cared for enough so I follow it up with even stronger confessions of how much i feel about her. She ignores me even further. I have no idea why she's doing this and ask her but she doesn't open up. The more i call/text her, more she withdraws. It breaks me. I feel like i fucked up. I start drinking more. Writing her emails and telling her how much she means to me and that i would do anything to be a better person for her. And that I just want her to be happy. Being a pathetic hyperemotional fool. Things don't improve and she keeps ignoring me more and more.

I beg to meet her 1 day before i depart for the other continent. She agrees. On meeting, she seems completely disinterested. I'm trying to make her laugh or smile or care but she doesn't want to talk too much or spend too much time. It's the last time i'm seeing her and i ask her if i can hug her before she leaves. she leaves angrily anyway. It seems to be over and I leave the next day with the most horrible and crushing feeling of loss and sadness. I got too attached to a girl who i ended up pushing away by being an overly sensitive emotional idiot. Her apathy cuts through my affection for her and destroys me on the inside over and over again......

continued....

http://pastebin.com/ArgNCN6E

I am a fucking noob which is why I couldn't offer any advice but i would love any criticism that you all have to offer.

I wrote this on "beauty".

OP here.

>>8247703
I like you. Thanks for giving a well worded response that at least attempts to address my proposition of suicide as an act of rebellion done in spite and contempt in protest against the slavery of the needs and wants of a human condition.


I suspect that this act (as you mentioned) might not be one of rebellion as it can be explained by my human condition itself. You claim that it falls within the realm of my needs and desires: to extinguish pain and seek happiness. But suicide brings neither. It does not necessarily reduce my pain or bring me happiness. For all I know, I could have lived an enriching life in the future but I am willing to give it away as a mark of protest. So despite your argument that suicide will not be a rebellion, I still believe that it may be.

................................................................

As for your own suggestion, I find it quite interesting, once the basic needs are taken care of, I'll be free to pursue philosophical inquiry? That is what I'm doing right now. My basic needs of food and water and shelter are secure.

The secondary ones: companionship, love, self actualization, however are not. How do you propose dealing with these?

>>7954129
this. I'm not OP but I resorted to literature and philosophy and although it is more satisfying, it has not brought the salvation and answers that I thought it would. I feel let down and lost again. Also a bit angry that my last and most hopeful resort appears to be destined for failure. It appears that the philosophers are great at tearing things down but terrible at building anything up or providing any concrete "pillar" that seems to be grounded in something axiomatic. The pillars provided by philosophers seem to hold no more validity than the ones they tore down. How can one not be angry at this betrayal? It seems to be a wanton cruel joke to be brought in existence for no reason and moreover no method to even grapple with it? How does this not put someone in terrible frustrated sadness and futile desperation? Is this desperate sadness the only consequence that truly follows from existing?

>>7943357
>>7943375
>>7943386
>>7943408

I haven't read this book. Considering reading it. Is it good? What should I go in expecting? Would you recommend it?

>>7937479

thank you for typing this out for me senpai.
>Develop a healthy lifestyle, go to the gym,
have begun doing this
>learn to feel good about yourself.
this will take a long long time anon. right now i have nothing but hate for myself.
>>Drop the drugs, alcohol and tobacco, this things can
funny you mention this. I was about to consider starting alcohol before talking to people so that it might be easier and help me ease into being a social person
>>Stop being stimulated all the time (watching ....
I spend a fuckton of time on /lit/. Not much stimulation apart from that. I think I'll try to spend that time more a bit more constructively..
>Get negative and toxic people out of your life,
there are none.there are only people who're much much better than me. who i stay away from to avoid feeling ashamed/embarrassed.


but yes, I need to put some effort even if it is initially painful into re-establishing some sense of social skill in me. because the solitary road doesn't seem too bright. I swear i wouldn't have this much of a problem if i wasn't such human garbage. but I genuinely think that you're right when you mention that self-improvement and effort in socializing will help me.

thanks again for your post.

Did other countries have any writers that are like Joyce? Russia? Germany?
Who's their equivalent?

What's the point of reading fiction?

This isn't b8, it's a serious question. I used to read a lot of fiction, but lately I haven't been able to, and it made me think. What's the point?

The only reason I could think of is prose of the likes of Joyce, for instance. Even though that again leads me to think, why?

All this is of course disregarding the idiotic escapist notion of 'entertainment', I'm not interested in that.