/lit/ - Literature

I've been feeling a really bad case of laziness and wanderlust recently. I moved to Japan right before the pandemic got really bad and was working a pretty shitty ALT job, but what got me through was the thought that everyone kinda knew the company was shit and that the Kung Flu was making it hard to socialize. Fast forward to now, and I have what is basically my ideal teaching job, and while shit's been slow to open up again, things are at least open.

The thing is, whenever I go out to a bar or some language meetup something about it feels super forced, but I know I won't meet any new people or form meaningful connections just sitting around my apartment jacking off. Prior to this I've never had a job where I've felt comfortable with the idea of sticking around for more than a year, but now I feel this weird sense of anxiety whenever I think about staying at this job for even three years (I've told the school I'd like to stay for at least that long to see my first year students graduate) I don't know if this is how the token millennial fear of commitment manifests in me, but I kinda wanna go back to being a wandering poorfag, even though I know I can't do that forever.

The one out that I see is actually becoming a published author, but that would require me to actually finish writing any of the ideas I have, which leads me to procrastinating super hard and spending my evenings and weekends watching stupid shit on YouTube. I thought I just needed a vacation, but I just had a four day weekend were I basically did nothing productive.