/lit/ - Literature

>writing for months
>everything comes out like shit
>try getting input from friends
>doesn't help
>try getting help from a writing group
>doesn't help
>try practice
>doesn't help
>try confidence-boosting exercises
>doesn't help
>try writing songs instead of stories
>doesn't help
>try changing my medication
>doesn't help
>try going off my meds entirely
>doesn't help
>try therapy
>doesn't help
>try sleep deprivation
>doesn't help
>try getting more sleep
>doesn't help
>try stress exposure to trigger a hypomanic episode
>doesn't help
>try self harm as a punishment for poor quality work
>doesn't help
>try meditation
>doesn't help
>try exercise
>can't even do basic stretches
>try to distract myself with vidya
>games just make me more frustrated

I think it might be time /sffg/. I'm never going to be as good as I was. I'm getting stupider and more worthless every single day and the awareness is only making me more depressed and more anxious which only serves to exacerbate my mental decay by giving me brain damage.

There's no light at the end of the tunnel. There's only the oncoming train of inevitable retardation. I'm done living like this. I just want to live in a dream world where I didn't have to suffer the indignity of failure after failure and the bitterness of my own futile attempts at being anything more than a pinprick-sized shit stain on the toilet bowl of reality.

I'm going to do it /sffg/. Tonight is the night I'm going to...

...fail to free myself out of cowardice. Just like I always fucking goddamn do...

>tfw no matter how much I write, the story I poured my heart and soul into doesn't get any better

I want to die lads

I'm at the end of the rope /lit/. Everywhere I look I see my own inferiority staring back at me. My accomplishments are forgotten no sooner than I see them, and every failure stays with me, eating away at my bones.

I can't live like this /lit/. why should I try to do anything if all it does is fill me with shame and disappointment? I don't see a reason to keep living /lit/. I want to but I don't. Not while this is all I'm capable of

/lit/, I want to be a writer but no matter how hard I try my mind fights me every step of the way. Most nights I procrastinate, not doing something else but physically paralyzed by indecision sitting there at my desk without moving a muscle. Some nights I manage to write a little bit, but the words struggle to come out and are so unimpressive that I can't see a justification in trying again for days, weeks or months.

I've tried adrenal specifically to get me writing. I've tried writing exercises, confidence-building strategies, and just plain forcing it, but almost nothing works, and the things that do work aren't repeatable.

I just want to create things /lit/. that's all I want out of me

>writing my heart and soul into a story
>I hate it

How the fuck do people like King and Sanderson churn so much shit out

>>13215797
>tfw lifetime record for words written in a day is 1000 and all were garbage

How can I learn to enjoy writing? My brain is full of stories I'm passionate about, but whenever I try to write them down all I feel is disappointment and shame at how bad I am at it

>tfw you have dozens of possible stories in mind but the only one with characters you care about is a shitty homestuck ripoff

>tfw you only write somewhat-artsy magical realism but all you really want to write is an epic anime beatdown where the MC uses the powers of every ally around to deliver a final blow to the nigh-invincible big bad

>spent literally two years on a novel only to end up with an awful piece of crap that needs so much editing it's unreadable unless I basically start over from scratch
>procrastinating on editing since november because of how overwhelming it is and how much worse everything's getting as I edit it
>literally can't stop second guessing myself

please just kill me. Seriously, I'm just wasting time until I die and this process is making me miserable.