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/lit/ - Literature

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>> No.10786434 [View]
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10786434

>>10786356
>soft as pillows
>deep as the oceans
these metaphors read as cliche
>hair that felt like caramel
and this one is awkward to me. I think just reworking these would do a lot for your poem.
That said, the poem makes sense and I can see you're trying to make things happen with the line breaks and repetition. Keep at it!

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