/lit/ - Literature

My ex once wanted to fight because I used second person "we" when asking what her plans were for the day. Supposedly it was first because she thought I meant it in the more common first person sense, and it made her angry because she "didn't know what my plans were". Then, after I explained it, she changed her reasoning to be because I was "excluding myself". I never even engaged in the fight, and simply flanked her angry rhetoric, fundamentally subverting every misconstrued frustration. Every time something was reframed in a way she couldn't argue against, her mood instantly changed to calm acceptance. Yet even after she was fully agreeing that getting upset about it was silly, she was still upset yet had no ability to express it.

I contemplated the implications, and spent a fair amount of time grappling with the full context of the relationship. In that moment, I attained extreme clarity and decided that the relationship was not sustainable. It's not even truthfully the fighting that I hated, it was that she was incapable of dropping things. It had cost a lot of energy to facilitate her inability to resolve her own feelings, and I'm not exactly a high energy person to begin with. I don't hold any resentment, she had just come out of an abusive relationship, I fully expected the affair to be unpleasant. I am now beginning to slowly climb out of the dreadful malaise that found me after the breakup, but I need to find a new social outlet before I backslide into a low mood. The breakup left me somewhat isolated, as she was one of the only people I talked to frequently.

I hope that by writing this out, I will feel an obligation to fill that social void before it fills me.