/lit/ - Literature

I really hate the whole dating process.
We went out and she said she had a good time. Asked if she'd be interested in going out again and she said yes but she's busy this week so the weekend is good. Am I supposed to be texting her? Do people still have all day long text convos? I don't see her on her phone much so I'm unsure if she's much of a texter. I texted her only once yesterday, took her awhile to respond and then I didn't respond and haven't at all today. Is that a mistake? Or should I just not text her till tomorrow when I was planning to text her about this weekend. And I have this horrible feeling that despite all the nice things she said and the seemingly good time we had, that every moment that goes by she's losing interest.
Fuck I hate this shit

I think I've come to realize the girl I'm in love with isn't a very good person.
There are honestly numerous things I could talk about, but my mind goes to when she was telling me of her previous relationship, something along the lines of
>I hated being with him. I cheated on him, I thought it was funny to cheat on him
Paraphrased, but the same idea.
It just showed such a lack of care, of kindness, of duty to be a good person.
And she doesn't really show me the care I do for her. I see I've been a pushover cuck essentially, doing every favor when she asked. Trying to help her with her problems, seldom bothering her with my own, but I did it all out of what was a blind love. I do love her, but I'm not sure my love is not somewhat false. I don't know if I love her truly, or the projected idealized version.
I've been lonely for so long that I think I allowed myself to be drawn in too deep to her. I feel stuck. I can't progress anything for fear of losing her, she is really the only person I talk to, although lately she has been talking to me less and being more cold.

I am highly particular about making new friends, allowing myself to care for another, because most of the relationships in my life have always been temporary. The past few years I have avoided making any new connections for the dislike I have when the connection fades, always with a whimper

>>11817902
One of my favorite paintings right here