/lit/ - Literature

I hate the fact that I'm about 13 years older than my colleagues because I've wasted so many years of my life instead of actually trying to achieve what I've always wanted to be.
I would never actually admit that if somebody were to ask me (and that topic does come up occasionally).

When I was 22 I knew I wanted to become a cop, one of the good ones that don't treat people like shit.
Almost 13 years later, I became one.

What did I do in the mean time?
Get a useless fucking degree, start a useless fucking masters, become depressed and almost joined the fucking foreign legion because I didnt know what to do with my fucking life while everybody else was out there working on their dreams, towards their future with a house, a spuse and kids.

Take it from a now 35yr old boomer, kids: don't let anybody tell you that a linguistics (or related) degree is worth shit and especially don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that you'll somehow find a fulfilling future in freelance work if you aren't
a) very disciplined
b) willing to sell your soul
c) willing to sacrifice your sanity, your time and your life in order to scrape by

I can only speak from a European perspective, but I don't think it's much different elsewhere: chances are that if you're the type of introvert that spends their time on books, games and being melancholic about the world itself, if you tend to think of yourself as an "ideas guy" who likes to build castles in the air and never actually commits to it... don't fool yourself into thinking you can do freelance work.

I'm far happier now than I've been for most of my life; I make good money, I love my job and I don't fall asleep with the weight of my own worries pressing down on my chest.
I mean, I'm still getting tired of the same old adolescent jokes my colleagues tell ("hurr tiddies, hurr booze, remember when XY was so drunk hurr tiddies on instagram"), but apart from that they seem to be good people.

Being worried about my future and being afraid of eventually becoming homeless has become my default state from the time I was 15 until I was 34.
Two times, I've been ready to kill myself and if I had lived in the US with the easy access to guns and everything, I might not be typing this.

Fuck it, I'll just keep typing.
When I was 30, I lost my last job and was afraid that this time, I was definitely going to end up homeless and eventually dead. I was driving on the highway when I was suddenly hit with the first and hopefully last panic attack of my entire life and oh boy, is that a fucking scary and SHITTY thing to go through.
I started crying and my fucking face froze, all I could do was try to breathe and not crash my car at the same time. I just couldn't stop crying and was even unable to move my fucking mouth, it was fucking terrifying.


Also, working out is a great antidepressant once you actually put on your shoes and stick your face into the cold wind of that shitty place called outside.