/lit/ - Literature

>>4546054
So I should just say "a small girl with short, blonde hair" instead of going like this, then.

>>4546077
Where can I find these? Where should I start?

I actually purchased this book and read it. You know, because I thought it would be funny.

While it's not an endless parade of incoherence like this excerpt would lead you to believe, it is really, really, really bad. The only thing worse than this excerpt is any selection of the dialog. This guy does not know what human beings sound like when they speak to each other. It's even worse that he tries to make all his dialog super witty, so it begins to feel like I'm reading an episode of The Big Bang Theory in a fantasy setting. The book has cartoon physics, awful characters, and endless description of the main character's sexy clothes and rocking bod. It is truly terrible.

If it weren't for this abomination, the worst thing I ever read would probably be some YA fiction like Harry Potter or Twilight or Anita Blake or Eldest.

>>4317198
Woops forgot pic

>>4216446
Also available for purchase on Lulu.

two can play that game

Wow, you lied to me, /lit/, distant muses are awful. They're absolutely shit. In the end, you either marry/fuck the muse or you don't, and if you do, it's sort of ok, except there are much more effective ways to court than writing goddamn fucking prose. But if you don't, somebody else does, and all written in her name is forever fucked and you can't even take back dedications, because that's fucking pathetic.

Fuck you and fuck your heart, I shit on your memory, /lit/. I should've never trusted you. You are a liar.

Fucking.

Why.

Here's some artful fun for you, gentlemen.

Remember ladies, here's a list of what men look for in men.

If you can check off at least half the items, then you've got it.

/lit/, what do you think are some qualities that most truly great writers share?

>>2884275
lol

You want Purple Prose?

YOU WANT GODDAMN PURPLE PROSE

WELL HERE, PIC FUCKING RELATED

THIS IS SOME GODDAMN PURPLE PROSE, OP, YOU KNOW NOT THE MEANING OF THE PHRASE UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THIS

Enjoy.

Funny thing I noticed, the kids who are apparently "too OCD" to read a proper book actually scream that an eight-hour video game is ridiculously, laughably short.

Except eight fucking hours of a work is a Pratchett novel.

Even twenty hours is considered the bare minimum. Resident Evil 4 is twenty hours on an ordinary first playthrough - and twenty hours is a Dostoyevski novel.

A game considered of proper length is often two times longer than a great novel, and often contains twice as much reading content. Mind, I'm not talking about MMOs and work simulators or waiting games like Farmville.

So, it's not "OCD", you fuckers, oh no. It's something very different.

Pronouncing "Gloucestershire" using less than five syllables.

Metaphors.

>Her pubes was a field of wheat

hell, I did buy a book just because of how terrible it sounded.