/lit/ - Literature

>>13166023
huh? do what fast? i linked the piece i want critiqued. here it is again

>>13126768
What this guy said >>13126870 basically. The maniacal mustache twirling comes off as cliche. I'm sure that was done purposefully, maybe ironically, but it doesn't work. In the beginning you repeat the word "handle" a bunch of times, which I assume was for contrast (i.e. each one is handling something different), but that also doesn't really work well imo, and you should just use different words to describe those activities. There are points where you use basic words where more descriptive terms would have been applicable. I'm not saying you should use fancy terms just to show off, but there are times were better vocabulary is necessary just to get a proper description across, and the basic terms say so little they may as well be communicating nothing at all. Take the second sentence, for example. Harsh wind *coming* from the helichopper? That's too bland. You can do better than "coming". There's a lot of other examples like that, so I won't enumerate. Just go through it and spruce up the vocab a bit, again, not in order to show off, but to have more effective description.

I'm the hostel/carpenter story guy from the last thread, if you guys recall. Here's some more material I would appreciate feedback on. I worry the tone is maybe a bit cheesy. I'm also interested on your thoughts on the start of the story he tells (starts on second page). I'm going for a one-sentence thing so it sounds like a rambly old man's tale.

Sorry for not critiquing the poem contributions. I don't really feel competent to critique poetry.