/lit/ - Literature

>>6572555
>>6573060

also as an extension, you fall into the hole that a lot of people do, meaning that you read a TS Eliot poem a while ago and remember him using some linguistic heavyhands and big prolixities from time to time, so you go out and start stroking together some long words that in a roundabout way point to a meaning that really only you understand because it's just a shallow narrative or banal platitude coated in logorrheic sugar.

Read some Yeats, and notice how he doesn't use many words longer than 6 letters. Notice how few of the words, if any, are obscure. They're just common words put together in uncommon ways that are really fascinating, and lead to a poetic brilliance that opens doors for interpretation and sops the poem in a steamy broth of meaning.

Let's pick yours apart:

> Fiduciary bonds with the holy ghost

You wanted to show off a word. I get it. We all go through that phase. But it's an ugly word, especially for the fucking first word of your poem.

Also, you set off the poem on an erratic meter. Not that you have any meter at all so to speak, just hints of it that you could pull out were you in the mood to write something actually good. Let's take some edits.

Try this:

> My spirit bonds with holy ghost,
> A link like raindrops to the ground
> Of brazen earth and riddled mound
> With cityscape to call as host.

Still shit. Let's continue.

Subject matter. Pretty dry. I can't help you with that, only you can. Read some poetry, read some poetry analysis, etc. Great poetry serves as vessel for ideas, and as lateral thinking. All I can get from your "poem" is that in time humanity crumbles and we need to do something about it. Maybe not. But I can't tell because it's articulated so poorly.

READ MORE THAN YOU WRITE

AND FOR NOW

DON'T WRITE

So /b/ liked this, enough so that I found this pic weeks later. I feel like it's past the point I can claim credit for it, so I'm not going to bother. Anyway, can I get some feedback? Also, I don't /lit/ but I couldn't find a feedback thread so sorry if this is not where it should be.

/b/ liked it...

In honor of our brother who is enjoying other galaxies at the moment..