/lit/ - Literature

Feeling really jaded. I have reached the point where I'm not mad anymore, don't blame society anymore, don't blame others anymore, don't even blame myself anymore. I'm just tired and everyday I suffer away in silence. I don't know what the plan for me is. I know God exists, I know there must be a plan for me. I know that my suffering can't be meaningless. Everyday I sit on the bus and I listen to people talk and talk and talk about school, about work, about what so and so did and my mind is just blank. By the time I get out of the bus I'm already dead inside and I move through the motions, sitting in class, pretending like I care about what I'm being taught. I pretend that I like people and I smile at them and I laugh at their jokes and on my break I retreat to a silent hallway to sit and eat my lunch in peace. I feel like all my life I have been doing what is expected of me, playing along with the game of society. When I look around I feel like I am the only one who sees it all as a game. Like I am the only one who has a problem with becoming a fake person in order to fit in. I don't think other people even realise how superficial and fake their personalities are. Their personalities are like white sneakers. I don't have any friends at all, only acquaintances. I don't have any family either. My isolation has become a quiet wellspring that I can dissolve into and it's both entrancing and mind numbing.