/lit/ - Literature

I finished community college with an associates in English. All of my professors thought I'd transfer to a university and join them in academia but I've put off finishing my bachelors for a year now. I was involved in a lot of programs and clubs, and received a lot of encouragement from them to become a scholar/writer/editor or something.

Instead of transferring, I've bounced around living with different friends and taking on wagie jobs to pay for rent, food, gas, and books.

I just moved again and took a job as a line cook at a high volume breakfast joint. I'd never worked as a cook before but was given a raise a month into the job because I'm a quick learner.

For the past month and a half I've slept in a sleeping bag on my friend's living room floor (he doesn't have a couch). I live out of a single box that I stuff in the corner of the room. On my days off, I work out, bake bread, and read alone in coffee shops bc the apartment is cramped.

I've stopped drinking. When I smoke, I walk around at night for an hour or two and think about what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

Some days I think about visiting the only mosque in town and taking shahadah. On others, I look at flights to Aubagne and read up on the requirements to become a Legionnaire.

I get phone calls and texts from my ex using *67 or from an app that changes her phone number so she can harass me. I broke up with her a year ago. I was writing her a poem when I realized I didn't feel anything for her.

The last time I had sex, this other girl ( who I've known since hs) bit, scratched, choked, and spit in my mouth before i slipped inside, came immediately, and told her i dont understand why people like having sex. When I write about her, I'm either Orpheus or Actaeon, or a mix of both. Last I heard from her, she got a bf and had smoked meth a few times.

I'm not depressed, but im slowly becoming detached from the world. The only reason I work out so intensely anymore is to remind myself that I have a body.

asceticism and death are all that I think about anymore.

dont give up boys we're all gonna make it <3