/lit/ - Literature

>>22896671
>>22896742
OP here. This is fantastic criticism guys, easily the best I've ever received. Part of the trouble with writing like this is that you can't just show it to your friends for their feedback, so I've sort of been working blind this whole time.

While it stings a little bit to hear that your prose is mediocre/lacking, the force of your arguments are undeniable. I will go back and see what I can do to enliven perspective of (at least) this pivotal part of the short story. Sadly, adopting a first-person perspective from either the Surgeon-General or the victim isn't quite possible (for narrative reasons), but I'll see what I can muster!

If either of you would like any more please just ask, your feedback is extremely valuable to me. If you'd like, I'd be happy to send either of you my full novel if you'd be happy to critique it. I do confess though, that at this stage I am in no position to pay you for your time. I understand if this renders any extended criticism unattractive to you. In any case, I thank you for your time. :)