/lit/ - Literature

>>9669701
I feel like you could approach your subject stronger if you trusted your reader to infer the meaning.

>that's the greatest cruelty
>of life,
>that eventually
>it moves on without us,

this kind of feels insulting

>>9665480
Maybe I'm just being impatient in reading this, but the funky grammar makes the subject-hopping even more frustrating to grapple with.

these lines:

>Seeds sewn and reaped by the reaper
>A sickle celled scythes wielder
>God grant me a new welder
>For the lost and found doesn't have it
>Said the maudlin man of tin.

suggest to me, that you're more interest in the sonics than anything, which is cool, but I still want a stronger sense of coherency here.