/lit/ - Literature

I quickly wrote pic-related. Not really sure where I'm going with it or if it could be part of something longer.

>>15865170
I liked it, especially the Bus and Video Rental sections. I just noticed some awkward tense-related stuff: "I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight" should probably be "I won't be able to sleep tonight." "On the way home a bum in a filthy mechanic's jumpsuit sleeps next to a dumpster" could be "On the way home I pass a bum in a filthy mechanic's jumpsuit asleep next to a dumpster". There are a few others as well.

>>15864849
I really like the dialogue, reminds me of White Noise. What's the overall story line?

>>15860966
Maybe you could add in a specific instance of someone coming into the town to break up the flow. Between the second and third paragraph maybe. Something like the narrators friend comes into town and stays with him and the fountain changes the way he thinks about things or lives his life or something?