/lit/ - Literature

Opinion and critique please.

Okay /lit/, I know it's too soon to ask for an opinion, but i'll do it anyway. Don't take this as a showcase of a final form, this is just a concept for a style and form in which I'd write the thing.

I've never written anything before in my life(it probably shows), just keep that in mind. I just want to know if I should even bother.

I am aware that it looks pretentious. My idea is to write about a relationship between mind, body and world/space/our surroundings(call it what you like). Each of which would represented as a 'character'; 5 of them in total – mind, body, earth(or rather a planet, just a massive desert), sky and sun/star(which is supposed to represent universe as whole, rather than just a single star). Different font for each character, text in italic is supposed to be minds' train of thought, especially when body is about give up/die. Italic is an utter clusterfuck because I wrote it with closed eyes without any editing, but all it really needs, I think, is just comma here and there. You can place those yourself.

So laugh away or whatever, just let me know.
Thanks