/lit/ - Literature

>>17946543
Here's a couple parts from two different poems, if anyone could give some feedback

Far, far in the remote forest,
Where the trees are bloated sickly,
Smothered by the thorny briers,
Where things move through bushes quickly,
And no songbird's songs are chorused,
The stinging thistles burn like fires,
There dark flowers haunt the florist,
Even the air there's sharp and prickly.

It is a region which all know,
And excites both fear and wonder,
The brave young boys talk of those woods
As a place to map and plunder,
But far inside they do not go,
And give up all prospective goods,
Because the rustling sounds there grow,
And frightened, they call off the blunder.

>>17895820
I think it could be better metered, and like one anon said it is pretty on the nose there in the beginning. The ending line could have a bigger impact if you increased the line before it by a foot or two.
>>17897590
I like it. I usually don't like this kind of poetry thought. I like the more subtle rhymes in the beginning and I wish you kept some line 2, line 4 rhymes in the other stanzas as it's not as old sounding with only one rhyme per 4 lines.
>>17898002
>Even worse, it's worsened by
It's redundant to say it this way. The last line is also strangely metered. It makes the reader stumble when I don't think you want them to.
>>17898912
I really like this one. The not perfectly acatalectic verse works well with the subject matter.

Would appreciate any feedback on this snippet of a poem