/lit/ - Literature

I bought some books that I'm never going to read. I don't pretend like I've read them, and I don't pretend to be a literary genius. I very easily fall down the motivation hole. I get myself pumped for something that I'll never finish because it's just initial flash and flare. I never stick around to see it through, which results in a loss of money. I think I just need to admit to myself that I have no personality or passion, and that if my muscles and ability to drink obscene amounts of alcohol and not puke don't impress somebody nothing will. The only reason I'm /fit/ is because I hate myself so much that I won't allow myself to be fat anymore. And I drink because it numbs the pain that I'll never be anything more then an average joe, which is ironically something I wished for as a kid, more so that nobody in my family would die of news worthy causes. But now I guess I'm getting my wish. I guess that's why I'm kind of interested in meditation, maybe with enough I can end this suffering and actually achieve something in my worthless life besides being mediocre child and more mediocre person. It's almost soothing to type this out, maybe in these ramblings I'll realize I'm not just like everyone else, but I know I won't. I'm just stalling for time. Time I don't have. Time that I wish didn't exist.