/lit/ - Literature

So a few weeks ago, I was reading Nietzsche's biography and realized I was exactly the person he describes -- using philosophy as a kind of coping mechanism and rejection of the real world. After this, I realized I need to focus on real life again, and started working toward it.

Since then, I developed a seriously unhealthy obsession with my appearance. Every day I spend over 20 minutes just looking in the mirror, I took a walk just now and spent the whole time looking at myself in my phone camera, adjusting my hair and trying to make it not look hideous. I bought a bunch of hair care products and gel but nothing is satisfying. Every time it looks like shit, except once in a blue moon it will look good but I can't replicate it because I don't pay close attention to how I do my hair. My feeling is, if it takes a ton of work to make my hair look not-ugly then maybe I'm just naturally ugly and should accept it. My head lately is a constant battle of dialogue between the feeling of "You're an ugly piece of shit" and the logic of "Other people have told you you're attractive! Stop worrying!"

So yeah, it's all mentally ill bullshit but I can't stop. Turns out when you change a mentally ill guy's mindset he is not cured, he's just mentally ill towards a different thing. I actually miss using philosophy as a cope because now I'm way less happy