/lit/ - Literature

>>10317416
reviere -> reverie? You mentioned the structure needs working on, and I have no suggestions for that, as in I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm just really confused as to the imagery you've chosen. You stray from ethereal beauty that is coming your way? How is it your beaten soul of yore if it is happening right now, but it is also hasn't happened yet because it is a potential? What is the comparison between mortal sleep and fitful sleep? Maybe my unwrinkled Neanderthal brain couldn't understand what was going on, but I found this really inconsistent, or at the very least, too opaque to try to figure out. For all its flaws, you did do a good job of setting a consistent tone.

>>10318926
Gotta be honest, this was rough. It reads like properly punctuated, uninteresting free-association.
>Then something else happened and he actually changed what he was thinking about.
Consider me hooked.

>>10318943
Are you... a cat?

>>10319181
>followed soot
my sides

>>10319304
Starts strong in the first few sentences, then gets choppy feels rushed. Also, the vernacular feels inconsistent.
>"My point is that I casted no witchcraft!"
Sounds like something that would be said on the street today. Then your character turns around and says "unto" in the very next sentence. Also, going out of your way to tweak current phrases to match your setting:
>"They fit the portrait of your run-of-the-mill rabble: pitchforks, clubs, tha sort of thing."
It comes across as non-immersive, rather than clever.

>>10319915
I have nothing critical to say about this. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for classing up the place.

>>10320056
Let's play the important noun game.
>blackboard voices silence. rebellion sunlight window. Leaders loves enemies friends note hand smirks giggles. dictation attention room. fingers desk melody clock bell.
Like the others said, I feel like I'm being waterboarded with adjectives.

>>10321330
I overlooked this one the first time around. This has good bones. The themes are strong, but the execution needs work.

>>10321482
Why did you capitalize Our? I enjoyed the third and fourth stanzas. The others didn't resonate with me as much. I think this is because the imagery was pushed a little bit harder in the other stanzas, and with a little less focus and direction.

>>10325015
Not sure what you're going for here, but I'm getting BBC nature documentary. Strong parts: the first post, minus the bit about using gravity. Weak parts: seems to fall apart and lose focus towards the end.