/lit/ - Literature

>larpy buddhism will keep millions from considering Islam

I think the only person on this earth that ever loved me in any sense now most likely despises me. It is not that I haven't earned it. It is fucking crushing that I have earned it. I've been crying a lot. My behavior toward them was based on a cruel misunderstanding, and now they despise me. It is.. very, very hard to think that the only person that ever gave a shit about even such a thing as how I'm doing, probably will also not care about this over time.

what is it, and why do you think that? is this one of those things where the church has secret teachings? Cus I can't see how anyone could come to any major conclusions based on scripture alone

painting by Ivan Agueli

I have not been able to find the way toward reducing the selfishness in my heart. Perhaps the best thing to do is to not fight it. Sometimes things get worse when you obsess abou tthem. That's probably the way.

Also I found the most insane bread. It's some kind of sourdough. When you toast it it gets all chewy and... I don' tknow it's just delicious. I could eat only this with butter.

whenever I visit my mother we have nothing to talk about. I tense up because I think "this is my mom, how can this be so difficult, something must be wrong with us". I fall into it every time. I need to come up with a way for us to socialise other than just having tea or dinner or whatever, because it's not working. I can't think of any reason why things should be so cold between us. Sometimes I think maybe we didn't socialise so much when I was growing up, and now we don't share things the way parents and children should. We have no common interests. All she does is work and all she talks about is work. With my father it isn't like this at all. There have been unfortunate things between us, but I still really enjoy his company. I can think of no reason why it should be so difficult with mom. I think what I need to do is come up with some other way to socialise. Maybe some other way of thinking about socialising with her so I can get out of my head. But I have been thinking about that for years. I almost dread seeing her. I am terrified that she will figure out that I don't enjoy spending time with her. I suspect that she has begun to realize it lately. I just get the feeling she can tell that something's off. We need something else to do, but all she does is work, she works so hard she has no energy for anything else. I really don't know why, I think her finances are fine. I think she enjoys it. Maybe she works so much because she worries about me. I am a case to worry about. But I don't really think that's it. I have prayed, but I can not put the Lord to a test. He will remember those who remember Him, so I let Him know: I remember You. Something fundamental has to change. I await an answer.