/lit/ - Literature

I posted a few days ago about trying to write a man who has a lot of issues regarding confidence and anxiety topped with a tinge of self hatered. He is a compulsive drinker since alcohol is the only thing allowing him to function in an environment that demands a lot of confidence and fearlessness. All of his friends and family have no clue that he drinks, and he is pretty much never sober. During rare moments when he is alone, he loses his drunk confidence and ends up feeling like a fraud and failiure. Pic related is a snippet from a fairly early chapter where he and his friends give a sendoff to their fourth, who dies at the start of the book. This little monologue is him talking to his recently departed friend, lamenting that he has to carry that torch.This is the first time he's truly alone, and the first time he has to reflect on what has happened, and what is to come.

For some context, they're all in the same guild / organization, and the dead man was his captain. He sacrifices himself to save the Drunk Man, who gets knocked out and doesn't remember much of what happened.And with his captain dead, he has to carry on the torch and take his place.

I'm mostly worried about it beign too melodramatic or not punchy enough. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.