/lit/ - Literature

>>11257510
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3682183/

>>11237834

>>11203173
It's melancholy is too drawn out pitying, too many common turns of phrase:
'lost inside the dreams..'
'forgotten faces...faded loves'
'being forgotten...'
'empty days...'
It's like, we get the message, this needs brevity, even with its dreamy tone it just goes on and on.....and unironically sends us to sleep. Not to be mean anon, there's clear earnestness in this work but it needs tidying for peeps to feel it how you want it felt, yunno?
>>11202909
So for this yellow=death right? And this is about the soulless work 'life' in offices? Either way you've expressed well, and your tone led me on without getting bored, I'm always a fan of profanities uses sparingly for max effect. Good work.
>>11201355
Not enough flair for the form! It's all stated so plainly without much personality behind the words, the texture and choice of words are dry and 'clinical' and the 'what am I to do?' feels too formal for the fairly informal tone I'm getting. Could definitely be a lot better anon, I believe in you.

Posting:
I'm a strobe!

I'm disfigured!
I slide off walls!
In room
vacuums of pulse and poise.

I think the music fancies me,
it finds my frills,
I'm so unstuck -
and stop.
Stare off.

Then lift again.

Fuck man I can't not love my friends.

Each moment flits green white blue
epilepsy.
Shooting
space
and I into
whirring
strumming
my muscles' lute:
please loud machine,
unmechanise me,
oil these joints and
sodomise me.

I'll strut up pure pangs like fists
Or sex,
and
speaking of, they're options here:
but, does the minx's glint
hint a relaxing orifice?
Or reflect light shows?
This our shit show, this full farce of
limbo bongo.
I'd go ask but my flask's full.
Ok I'll go and gulp a few.
And ah she's gone, oh well, new song!
I recognise this one, when I was young
so very young...

Ah yes!
Everyone sings along!

Come ground accommodate us now,
we sycophants for tickled youth.
Recalling our culling, cool and such
unlikely collection.

Yes if you want life,
then get some friends,
a half handful will do.
You want to lull and lie?
They'll have that too,
piped next to you.

In Arcades of Disfigurement,
and love tunnels of noise,
some rowdy random
fuckers have no tact.
We can't have that,
someone snap that!

How old am I?

No one knows in respons-disability,
sound blooms nonsense and this our
shining slither's age for so!

>Oh me? I'm an Optimistic Nihilist.