/lit/ - Literature

>>15835746
>>15836331
Knowing that women like these will never spare me a passing glance fills me with such dread and despar that I am ready to concede the futility of all life and kill myself

>>15428899
I have spent a decade on this site and I want to die.

There's no point to this.

Last night I lost my virginity to a young Ukrainian blonde hooker in a sub-level apartment in New York City.

I drove an hour out to meet her in the pouring rain. She was fairly accommodating, though her English wasn't spectacular, and I busted in 20 minutes. It wasn't terrible and it wasn't fantastic. We chatted for a bit on her bed before she let me out through the gate and I walked down Manhattan's empty streets with neon lights and drizzle bearing down on me. Then I realized I had little gas so I sped through the outer boroughs looking for gas stations but they were all closed. I ended up rolling into a welcome center 40 minutes out with 0 miles left in my tank and had to call my insurance company to come bail me out with gas. I waited in an empty parking lot off the expressway for an hour pacing and singing Simon and Garfunkel songs to myself. A jolly negro finally arrived and we bantered for a bit. I told him I deserved this and he laughed. He gave me the bare minimum I needed to get home.

I lost 380 dollars for questionable gain. I can't help but wonder what this would have felt like if it wasn't a casual business transaction masquerading as a nighttime tryst. You could turn last night into something like a kino narrative arc, but it still wasn't particularly enjoyable. What are some books about conceptualizing life as a narrative quest not as a coping mechanism but as a genuine attempt to impose structure and meaning on life?