/lit/ - Literature

>>22141081
Perhaps eating a bit more, but nothing terrible. I hope you're not concerned for me on any sort of sympathetic level, but only out of objective curiosity.


>>22141045
>I mean, I have a degenerative neurological disorder...

This part was for you
>>22141081

>>22141084
(cont)
Suffering quietly and being too powerless to kill myself. Suffering, in a childish, "girly" sense, in that I'm not actually suffering, I'm not actually in pain. I'm mildly discomforted by the general lack of psychological "health and vigor" as it might be called, and it's discomforting in a fatiguing way, rather than anything pointed or sharp like physical or emotional pain.

I'm not particularly tired, I'm not sleepy. I would describe this as "tired of being alive" and being "reluctantly alive", but in no way having the agency or willpower to do anything to change my situation. Like being pissed on, but having no willpower to move or fight back or anything.

I don't feel sadness, thankfully, I just feel nothing, I don't care, but it's not a particularly pleasant experience. Perhaps it would be fair to call myself a hedonist, as i do enjoy pleasure, but it seems to be beyond my reach right now, and I'm just sitting here, seemingly powerless to escape this situationality, or even if it were possbile, lacking the agency to undertake the activities required to shake off this mental state and start clawing at the concrete walls of life in some blind and delusional fantasy of somehow accomplishing some farcical goal.

I missed the cutting point for the 3k limit. But I guess at this point I've lost my train of thought. Clearly writing for me is not an issue, but finding the coherent trains of thought to ride for writing is the difficult part. I can do observational writing just fine, but attempting to sit down and imagine something, it's like my brain-body is made of pasta and too soft and weak to life up the imagination weights.

I'm doing ok, I'm sure other people are suffering with emotions or other gay bullshit. I don't know why I'm writing this, no real intent really, just again enjoying the pitter patter and enjoying how easy the activity is. I'm a lazy motherfucker, as you can tell, and if an activity is easy, I enjoy that activity. Doing something easy feels good, doing something difficult, less so good, but doing something easy, I might describe it as "butter fucking" because it's just so smooth and pleasant"

I don't have any real interest in writing at length about my psychological state for any intentful publication or anything, but I do enjoy doing it just because it requires the least amount of psychological involvement. It's almost like bird watching or something, just with my mind and body. The birds do all the work you know, I just have to sit there and watch, and I'm sitting here anyways...

>>22137785
I take it back. At least, I can admit to being, objectively a failure. I come here. Let me tell you.

>I come here
>Like a public restroom in a crowded area
>a big one
>dejected youth come to do drugs
>i sprawl out
>filthy and homeless
>naked and visibly disfigured from a degenerate life
>smearing my own shit on my body
>laughing haughtily
>staring at you
>taunting you with my eyes
>begging you to kill me
>not out of sadness
>just taunting you
>wanting to see you do something
>entertaining the thought
>bold enough to gamble my life
>the odds in my favor
>you walk by and try to avert the eyes
>shoot up your drugs
>talk your intelligentsia words with fellow down-and-outers
>I just ramble to myself
>covered in my own shit
>as if I'm having a conversation with the fellow occupants

that's about what I can admit to. Feels about right.

>>22133087
what's up gang, fuck god damn, I see a paragraph and it's like seeing a big nigger walking down the street, just avoid eye contact