/lit/ - Literature

I can feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into a place I might not be able to pull myself out of. It's been a little over a year since I graduated and started working, things are not so bad I suppose, but it is all so disappointing.

I don't mind so much the M-F as I actually get work done, read, exercise, etc. but my weekends are like blackholes of unstructured time, I've never had a social life and the old watching films/reading books is great but it's all I've done for the past 5 years and I'm bored.

The first thing I do when I get home Friday is take a bottle of liquor and chug as much as I can handle to get it over with quick. In about 20 minutes I'm stumbling over the keyboard browsing youtube videos. I crawled into bed around 10PM slogged out of my mind, woke at 9, fapped, and then lay in bed until 3PM. It's currently 10PM and I'm about to do the same thing.

I haven't read seriously in almost a month. I can't lose myself in books anymore. I want to sleep but I can't, so I lay in bed drowsily browsing on my phone. I can't be bothered to do anything productive, I don't care enough anymore. I want happy pills that make me forget. I want to be at peace.