/lit/ - Literature

>>6141874
>a decent children's fantasy book with a completely shitty YA fantasy book
Put some fucking effort into it at least.

>>4435501

>>4317389
>I went to the store. There were many items in the store.
Redundant.

>There was pepperoni, cream cheese, cereal among other things.
Irrelevant, and contributes nothing to the atmosphere.

>At the store
Redundant.

>I saw Megan.
Vague.

>"Hi Megan!" I said.
Boring. No atmosphere, tension or sense of purpose.

>"Hi!"
Redundant. Fuck your exclamation points. Also boring with no atmosphere, tension or sense of purpose.

>She said back.
Terrible.

> She knew who I was.
Awful.

>I first met Megan
Redundant.

>in High School
Hamfisted exposition.

>when she enrolled as a new student
Redundant.

>I thought she was very beautiful from the first time I met her. And then as time passed I started to fall more and more in love with her, but never told her.
Cliche. Hamfisted exposition. No atmosphere or feeling. Poor punctuation, grammar and sentence structure.

Where's the story? Where's the atmosphere? Where's the purpose? Where's the tension? Where's the motivation? Where's the life?

>>2724631