/lit/ - Literature

haven't had one of these outburrsts in a while but this thread made me cry so why not

>always the "weird" kid
>spend elementary and high school doing bizzare loner things and dedicating way too much time to thinking about why i was lonely
>dump video games, start resenting "nerd culture", heavyhandedly try doing something constructive
>dabble in music, writing, film and painting, sculpting, none of it particularly fruitful other than the music
>my childhood love from ages ago randomly hits me up, after i spent years mourning babby's first breakup with said person
>unexplicable events take place and i somehow make her my girlfriend for a few years
>unfortunately lose her in an equally chaotic and unforeseen way, but whatever
>realize i'm alone again, have a huge crisis regarding who i am, i almost don't feel human
>drift away from people, find momentary but uncomparable beauty in random meaningless things like a tree bending, a child playing or a graveyard, or rather those buried in it
>reject the depression label, i know i sometimes feel like shit but i'm sure as hell not going to end my self or do something equally dumb
>start appreciating objects and my surroundings more, haven't improved socially much but i can finally make sense of the loneliness, take every opportunity i can to be in the wilderness, it just feels right
>get into cars, bikes, guns and art, feel like some sort of a horrific ideological chimera but it's what i am
>read a bit of nietzsche and the classic stoics, this is literally what i've been thinking for the past twenty years
>after a particularly shitty day a few years ago, a terrifically powerful thought emerges : i could get on my motorcycle right now and leave all the mediocrity and anger behind, no resentment, no revenge, simply seperate from them and do my own thing and see where my opportunities will branch off

sorry for the awfully messy and incomprehensible blog but i'm not on here often and this thread made me feel things i haven't felt in a long time, i'm sure you'll understand