/lit/ - Literature

>>6433607

Well, this seems to be a rather satirical piece of writing. I don’t think the author was really trying, but it is neither very good nor very bad. There are some great lines, in my opinion:

>His voice was rasp and his brow moist

Is interesting to see that the author was paying attention to so small details, like the moist brow.

One of the problems with this piece of writing is the tone of the speaker: he at the same time use aggressive words and insults (like one who is possessed by strong emotions or as some uneducated person) and speaks like a rhetorical book supporting decency and good-customs (even showing knowledge of one of Beethoven sonatas). The way expression of the speaker is a mixture of natural and artificial, and to my mind this is the main problem of this piece.

I will now post some of my material. The original is in Portuguese. I am thinking in putting this in a poetry contest whose winners are going to have their poem displayed in trains and buses. I don’t know, however, if my effort is quality work.

Morning Song

When morning tears the black flesh of the night and the heavens bleed rust;
When the glacial crystal butterflies and moist fireflies of the stars
Flee from the sun that, growling honey of light, raises his blond head and wheat mane,
Then the realm of soft blankets and warm nest of beds is abandoned:
The gummy spider web of sleep and the yawning varnish of dreaming evaporates.
Roosters, watches, the aquatic song of the showers, bread, the mint foam that embalms the mouths, the pores of dawn that breath coffee-with-milk:
All of them summon humanity to rise up and sculpt their survival.
Homes spit anthills in the streets: the nation's blood, human erythrocytes;
Lives come and go, swarms of eyes, busy bee-hives of minds on trains and buses.
Each craft is valuable, all sweat is the elixir of dignity, each function a cosmos:
Tractors and taxis, asphalt and crops, shoe-glue and soy, hoes and pens, Injection molding machines
And computers, cattle and excavators, cement and paper - all of them are vital parts:
Each worker is a cell in the body of the country; the raspberry daybreak prays for all.

>>6377488

Fairies

Fairies dancing in the woods at night
Make me think of foreign places,
Of places unknown.
Fairies with sparkling crowns and dewy hands,
Sprinkle flowers and mosses to keep them fresh,
Talk to the birds to keep them cheery.
Once a bird came home
And found a fairy asleep in his nest,
Upon his baby eggs,
To keep them warm!