/lit/ - Literature

>>7133728
being a writer isn't about using as many words as possible

>>7134789
>Loame and Boden
hahaha what are the odds these two poor fucks with weird names met
but otherwise this is really overdone like you're setting a tangible scene but the lake is endless..? and the ambiguity as to whether the man be alive or dead cones out of nowhere, needs to be build-up for the surprise to actually work
as other anon said the metaphors are very contrived

>>7134859
This is nice, you should read knut hamsuns works about country life if you haven't already, especially growth of the soil, which this reads a lot like
i would say is this is crammed full of metaphors and shit which makes me wonder how you would keep up the pace of imagery in a longer piece
also
>the oracle told of another land
never use this cliche ever thanks. otherwise real good tho

>>7134947
really overwritten and the premise isn't exactly riveting but pieces are nice if you cut them back
>empty snack packets, RRAM drives
that's a neat juxtaposition but cut back the sentences as much as you can, this could easily be much snappier

>>7135504
if you seriously write your journal like this you must be pretentious af
hate this faux ye olde style bullshit

>>7135551
>>7136169
love it the atmosphere is rich and fast paced, never slips up or mudles the message you conjure up a very lucid set of images and characters but most of all a clear setting which feels real and alive