/lit/ - Literature

>>20679007
is this better? I feel I should say I am an idiot who has forgotten almost everything about proper sentence structuring and punctuation, due to a multi-year depressive state and just being a lazy shit and not doing my schoolwork. I am relying on a sentence checker as well as how I think something sounds when read aloud to try and correct my mistakes.
>>20679033
that isn't me your replying too, and about it being out of context, I maybe should've just posted the entire chapter here to pursue with that as just a section to draw people in. the context is that the person telling the story is the uncle of the main character who is a soldier, he only comes over when he has leave and he came early and stayed longer due to a promotion, the story was also told to make his nieces quiet down since he brings them gifts whenever he visits.
out of universe I wrote it to explain some of what the soldiers on the frontier are dealing with and the magical creatures of the world. and then to also go into a small outburst where he is clearly upset over the things he has seen as well as the main character (who is still a child) showing great interest in monsters.
I don't know if that helps with your connection to the story or not, I am a very new writer and I am probably going to write my story regardless of who reads it but I am also trying not to put out something that is unreadable due to poor formatting.
run on sentences is the biggest issue since I just overuse commas without thinking enough about it.